This is an old story used for an English class assignment. It wasn’t actually written by me. It was written by a friend of mine and I edited it. It’s a fictional story, but it features several real people. The story take place in my secondary school. It is a story of revenge and it’s pretty damned funny. My group got a pretty good mark for this effort. I hope you enjoy it too. Some of the language used in the story might be a bit explicit, so read at your own discretion.
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Characters:
Foster: My grade 11 English teacher. He’s a cool guy who likes the arts, especially movies, and drives a Mini Cooper. His way of teaching is different than any other teacher I’ve ever had. I think he’s one of the best teachers in the school.
Henry: The person who wrote this story and a friend of mine. He likes rock and roll music and also likes movies. He’s arguably Foster’s favourite student in my class.
Josh, Landon, and Anthony: Fellow students in my grade 11 English class.
The Engineer: A fictional character who is Foster’s arch nemesis in this story.
Mr. Waisberg: A hated English teacher in our school. Most students dislike him.
Without further delay, here’s the story:
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It was a typical wet Vancouver day. Rain was beating upon the windows like bird droppings on a car hood. The alarm rang and the sleepy man hit the snooze button, not knowing that the snooze button was set at 8:30 a.m. So at 8:30 he finally woke up.
“Man that was good rest.” The man sat up on his bed. Then he looked at the alarm clock.
“WHAT THE FUCK!! It’s 8:30!!! Shit, I’m going to be late!” screamed the man.
He quickly leaped from his bed, ran to the bathroom like there would be no tomorrow and brushed his teeth like a maniac. He slapped on a pair of jeans and wore his wrinkled up dress shirt un-tucked. Since he was in a hurry he skipped his breakfast, grabbed the newspaper, and rushed to his Mini Cooper.
“8:40. Looks like I’m going to have to gun it with my Cooper.”
He started the car and slammed on the pedal. Shifting from one gear to another, he was approaching speeds that he shouldn’t be going at in the neighbourhood. He took some time to clean his appearance by looking at the rearview mirror. He was driving at 100 km/h in a 50km/h zone. He flipped open his newspaper and it happened to be at the horoscopes section. The man was curious and read his horoscope. His horoscope said “Today will be rough but you need to keep yourself together. Seeking revenge will bring unintended results that you’ll regret.”
“What a load of bullshit.” The man muttered as he cuts in front of a transit bus and then a semi-trailer. It took him 5 minutes to reach his workplace, a local high school. As he approached his classroom the last bell rang. His students were waiting in front of the classroom door.
“Foster man, looks like you half assed your way to school.” said Henry.
“Shut up.” Foster said sheepishly while opening the door.
“You look like junkie man with your wrinkled up shirt and the stains on your pants.” Henry remarked in a cocky manner.
“I look better than you do.” Foster replied.
Indeed Foster was right. Henry was wearing a shirt that said “I’m with stupid” and his jeans were unzipped, therefore his fly was open.
“Talk about being a slob. Look at you. Your fly is open and your hair looks like a mop.”
As the class started everyone stared at Foster’s shirt and pants. He did not look one bit like a teacher. His pants were stained and his shirt was wrinkled. After staring at Foster everyone focused their eyes on the classroom. Not only did it look like a rat’s nest, it smelled funny too. Even Foster noticed.
“What the fuck is that smell?” Landon remarked.
“Foster, did the engineer take a shit in your class room and wiped his ass with all your books?” Anthony joked out.
Everyone in the class roared with laughter. Foster was kind of pissed off and noticed some brown stains on his books and yellow stains on his papers.
“Anthony, you might be right. The engineer might’ve pissed and shitted on my stuff.” Foster said.
“Yeah, I concur,” remarked Josh from out of nowhere. “It seems like the engineer did do something bad to your room.”
“Hrm,” Foster replied. “If it is the engineer I’m going to lay the smack down on him ol’skool style.”
Just as he said that thunder and lightning crash upon the skies. It seemed like the Halls of Valhalla had opened. There was an air of rage all around the school.
“I’d like to see that,” Henry replied arrogantly. “I’ll throw in a lending hand if you do. That son of a gun pissed on my locker.”
After the class, Foster went up straight to the engineer. They stared eye to eye, man to man. Standing next to Foster was Henry trying to look intimidating but he had to tip toe.
“Let me ask you one question and one question only. Did you fuck up my classroom?” Foster said in not so friendly tone.
“Yeah, and did you piss on my locker?” Henry demanded in an even more threatening tone.
The engineer laughed at the questions and seemed to be really humoured. He crossed his arms over his blue shirt.
“You’d think I’d do such a thing? To your classroom? To your locker?” the engineer said dismissively, tilting his head in such a way that he stared at his opponents from out of the corners of his eyes.
“I know you did.” Foster said “Who else could’ve done that?”
“You guessed right. But what can you do about it? You’re nothing but a pathetic teacher with a sad fat Asian kid student.” The engineer said smugly.
“Yeah I’m a fat Asian kid who knows kung fu.” Henry said, forming his hands into chops and started swinging them in a wild manner. The engineer had already turned around and was walking the other way. He raised his right hand up and made a rude gesture.
Foster rolled his sleeves up and was about to jump the engineer but the bell rang. Foster went back to his classroom looking furious. Henry followed Foster.
“Man, that dude pisses me off. We need to do something.” Henry said.
“Yeah, that fucker should get kicked in the groin.” Foster replied.
“HELL YEAH!! Here, we’ll wear masks and I’ll kick him right in the nards.” Henry replied with excitement.
“I’m not serious… yet.” Foster responded darkly.
Foster was still in a bad mood after lunch, he really wanted to get back at that shitty engineer. Yet again Henry approached him at lunch.
“Why don’t we just piss on his car and spray paint your fruity?”
“Because he doesn’t have a car.” Foster replied.
“Why don’t we just kick him in the groin?” Henry said.
“You know what, I think we should. That fucker deserves it. After school come to my classroom. I have some garbage bags in my car and we’ll wrap him with it and shit kick his balls.” Foster replied with passion.
“Hahahahaha.” They both laughed with an evil glee.
3:20 p.m., the bell rang. The scene was set. The sky was darkened by rain and thunder. It looked like something nasty is going to happen. Foster had the garbage bags ready but he was nervous that the plan might fail. Henry on the other hand was shining his shoe with a big grin on his face.
“Ready?” Foster said.
“HELL YEAH!! LETS GET THIS FUCKER!” Henry exclaimed.
They journeyed around the darkened hallways as the lights flickered on and off. They sneaked from floor by floor, classroom by classroom and bathroom by bathroom. Henry quickly noticed something in the washroom. It was a guy wearing khakis. The engineer wore the same khakis.
“There he is!! GET HIM!!”
Foster quickly dumps the garbage bag over the person before he could turn around. Both Henry and Foster noticed that this person wore a white shirt instead of blue, but they were blinded by rage and ignored the fact. They both repeatedly shit stomped the person as the loud crashes of thunder was heard. Thor has smashed his hammer of justice as the thunder kept cracking.
After about 10-15 minutes of stomping and kicking of the groin, Foster and Henry lifted the garbage bag off the victim as they both were smiling and laughing.
“We got you, bitch!!” They both screamed. Then their eyes widened and noticed that they got the wrong person. They didn’t get the engineer. They got Waisberg.